Carol Brady was standing on the forecourt of a big Glasgow hotel, smiling and holding a bunch of roses.

But the purpose of the speech was not to enthral her audience, it was to calm Carol Brady.

'Did you find out who'd told Carol Brady where I was staying?'

Carol Brady was being interviewed outside the front door of a house.

Carol Brady was two large whiskies late.

Carol Brady didn't have an attractive face.

Carol Brady ground her teeth as her eyes turned a sudden shocking pink and filled up.

The story was accompanied by a picture of Carol Brady and some other people in expensive clothes.

Jane looks like an extremely hippie version of Carol Brady.