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Amsinckia tessellata, Devil's Lettuce or Bristly Fiddleneck-Common.
Amsinckia tessellata is a species of fiddleneck known by the common names bristly fiddleneck, tessellate fiddleneck, checker fiddleneck, and devil's lettuce.
Oh okay, didn't want this date to be weird at all, but on top of it you're not sharing the devil's lettuce either.